Worry. Worry. Worry.

I worry so much in my life! Right now it's all about health stuff, naturally. The other night, I was so worried about negative health possibilities, that I was making myself literally sick. I was torturing myself with worry to the point of agony! How ridiculous!

Worrying, for me, stems from a lack of trust in God. I realized this week that I have major trust issues. It's not that I don't believe God is good. It's just that I've realized bad things happen to us sometimes. God sometimes chooses to allow that. I always thought trusting God meant, "He'll keep me healthy, safe, well. He'll protect me." And sometimes I think that is true, but I'm learning a new facet to trust: when bad things do happen to me, will I trust that God will hold me and go with me through all of it?

Honestly, right now I don't often feel His presence. It feels like he drove me out into the wilderness, dropped me off, and drove away. Nonetheless, faith chooses to believe when the "evidence" around us speaks otherwise. God is with me every step of the way, even when I can't feel Him. This illness has some negative facts, some hopeless feeling days, and some horrible symptoms. I have to choose to have faith that it will get better.

My father recently told me, "Brad, the facts are not the same thing as the truth. We have the facts, but He has the truth." In a society that worships science, it's hard to remember that God, the Creator, is truly in control. He makes the rules, and He can break them. He chooses when a child is conceived and when a person dies; when someone gets sick and when someone is healed. I may be low on faith right now, but I'm so grateful I belong to the loving One who has it all under control.